At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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