I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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