I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
