i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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