belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
