this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
