For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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