had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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