batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
