Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i think my cat just said my name.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
