so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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