My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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