like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
