Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
