I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize