i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
