Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
