dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
