I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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