True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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