My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
