I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
