Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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