I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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