Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
