I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
