not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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