Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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