It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
