my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
