Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How external is "for external use only"?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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