did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize