I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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