I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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