Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
