dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
