I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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