You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
