My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize