My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
