WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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