We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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