Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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