OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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