Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
