my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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