??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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