did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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