I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
