Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
