i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The air was thick with penises
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
