The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
