I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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