i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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