Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize