i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My life is pants optional.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
