Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
