I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
