The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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