I'm so fucking centered right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
