i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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