On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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