I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize