I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize