I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
