Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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