You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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