All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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