No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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