I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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