soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize