I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
