return my video game
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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