i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
