So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
