I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
