you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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