You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize