...so i touched it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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