There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
