i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize