we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
