you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
