Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
