I cockslap morals
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
