"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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