New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
