there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
