There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
