i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
