Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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