then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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