i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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