so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
