I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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