I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
