The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize