Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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