I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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