Jerry, you need to find god
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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