Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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