My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
