My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no, he came in my armpit
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's blow job season.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love you.
Bad choice
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