Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
